Elite Aspirations

Every once in a while, I hear someone say something so great, so profound, so genius that I immediately think two things:  1) that I wish I had a pen and paper handy to write that down, and 2) it rings so true to me, I wonder why is this the first time I have heard that concept put that way.

I don’t usually think of the Golden Globes as being the source for wisdom.  Last Sunday evening, Aaron Sorkin proved me wrong.  As he was accepting the award for Best Screenplay for the movie The Social Network, he said the following directed to his 10 year old daughter:

Elite is not a bad word, it is an aspirational one.  Honey, look around.  Smart girls have more fun, and you’re one of them.

Let that soak in a minute.  Maybe re-read it a time or two. 

Wow.  Just, wow!  That is officially on the list of things I wish I had learned when I was 10. 

The word elite is used in a lot of ways.  I think to most 10 year olds, elite is a noun that means the wealthy, the private schooled, the privileged, the famous, and the snobby.  It is easy to resent the people who those descriptions fit, if it seems they have not done anything to earn the title.  Sorkin, though, wanted his daughter to set aside that definition, and think of elite as an adjective meaning talented, skilled, knowledgeable, virtuous, and accomplished.

Do you remember what it was like to be 10?  When the kids in school began to separate themselves into cool kids, and nerds, and jocks, and smart kids, and stinky kids?  When some kids got to have brand new Jessica McClintock dresses for the school dance, and you only did after begging and begging and swallowing a big dose of guilty pleasure (emphasis on the guilt)?  How about when you were a little older and the cool kids started getting fancy cars, and designer purses?

Eventually some sort of resentment develops between the haves and the have-a-little-lesses of the world. (Let's face it, very few of us were actually have-nots.) The stuff starts to separate the elite from the normal. 

Now, I am fairly confident Sorkin’s kiddo is among the haves, but she probably has so much that it is embarrassing to her. She doesn’t want a famous Dad, or have the best birthday parties, or designer clothes.  I imagine she is trying to fit into social circles in a different way.  She is ‘the elite’, and she just wants to be like everyone else.

I wonder how different high school would be for the kids who figure this out at 10.  It seems that the latest social crisis – bullying – would be obsolete.  It seems that kids would tap into their own unique talents and learn to capitalize on them at an early age.  I imagine that kids would develop and amazing sense of self early in life.

Now, before someone gets angry (my family reads this blog, y’all), let me be clear.  Lot’s of people were trying to help me learn this lesson as I was growing up.  I think that grown-ups found it difficult to know how to help me work through these problems because I probably couldn’t articulate what it was I was struggling with.  I was also probably extremely conscious of how the things I wanted to say could disappoint or hurt the person who would hear it. 

Sometime in my mid-twenties, I think I finally learned this lesson.  I still don’t think I could have articulated it as well as Aaron Sorkin did.  (Maybe that is why he gets paid to write, and wins big awards for his elite talent?)  I do have to applaud him though, for being tuned-in to his daughter and her social struggles, for using his moment as a step toward resolving her problem, and for doing it on such a public platform that we could all share in this knowledge.

Image credit to bigcityal.